My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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