The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
