I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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