Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
