I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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