After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
