I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
