i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
