chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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