i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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