somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
