i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize