We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize