Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
