I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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