I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Green mimosas i think yes
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
