Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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