you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
