HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize