Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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