and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
A bitchslap is in order.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
