I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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