May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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