I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
