I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
