I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
