i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
