literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize