I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
