i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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