Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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