I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
