Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize