I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
