dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
