i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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