____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
