I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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