you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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