Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
