Me. At least after what I've been through.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got inside last night via doggy door
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
