That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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