i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
