I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
