those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl itβs not like I cheated. Itβs communal.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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