You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
