Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up under a house in Key West
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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