somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
