We're facebook friends in real life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
