it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
3 2 1 whiskey
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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