i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
