Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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