I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
As shirtless as possible
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
