no, he came in my armpit
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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