I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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