The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
