Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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