You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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