I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
