worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize