last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
