Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
