So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
FUCK WHALES
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
