i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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