Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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