she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
