Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize