just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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