Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
