She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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