mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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