can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
