You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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