As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
